You Don't Have To Be Old

His question was a classic. "What were you doing on this date, 31 years ago?"

31 years ago today? It was a Tuesday. I was savoring the end of summer, not to mention the end of an era, because I knew my very first day of school was just a few weeks away.

I was nervous, excited and scared. I'd heard a lot about school and I had high hopes but I was nervous nonetheless.

Though my family was poor, my mom bought me a new box of crayons.

Seriously - this was big. I had new crayons. Not nubs like I was used to coloring with. These were brand new, with paper Crayola wrappers, and they came in their own box! I obviously had important coloring to do because I was going to SCHOOL, just like the big kids. Kindergarten was gonna rock. I just knew it!

Sadly, school did not rock. Those f#cking crayons were a bribe.

Many years would pass before I'd realize there were lessons to be learned on that fateful day.

Lesson #1: Beware Of Gifts You Have Not Earned.
Lesson #2: Never Trust Old People.

And with that comment, we return to where this post began. I suspect we've reached the point where it gets either interesting or offensive depending on your point of view.

"What were you doing 31 years ago today?"

The question was intended to be regarding what I was doing when I got the news that Elvis had died (August 16th, 1977). Instead, it served as a dividing line between generations: his and mine.

Last week, I wrote about sexism... but since radio is a business mostly run by men, nobody cared.

Not. Their. Problem.

I wonder how many old men will suddenly care when the issue is ageism? Men don't think sexism exists, but they sure can spot ageism. Go figure.

Here's a tip: Don't ever wear your age as a badge of honor, because, believe me, it isn't. Of course ageism exists, just as sexism and racism exist. Much like beauty, discrimination is in the eye of the discriminator, but that doesn't mean you are powerless.

When applying for a gig, or when marketing yourself, always remember the reality of the business (and of business in general):

Old = Bad.

So.... don't be old! Figure out what other attributes define who you are and choose to be those instead. Surely there's more to you than your age, right? Right! ...So... choose to be 'more'.

Be Smart.
Be Clever.
Be Optimistic.
Be Wise.
Be Talented.
Be Creative.
Be Dependable.
Be Untapped Potential.
Be Great... with greater days yet to come.
Be An Easy Hire... because you're so damn good at what you do.
Be the best of what you truly are... but for the love of whatever god you do or don't believe in, don't be 'old' because nobody prefers that.

Old = Bad.

Tide laundry detergent was introduced in 1946, but the last time I checked, the box still says "New And Improved." Yeah, yeah, that's just a cheesy piece of marketing and we both know it. So what? People like new and the business world loves improved. New and Improved both mean better, right? It's implied.

Well, you probably can't be new - but, no matter how much you've done, and no matter how good you are, you can always do better.

You can always be better.

You can always improve - until the day you choose not to.

And on that day
regardless of your age
you will be old.
And no one will care.